I made it so far and yet did not get to my 40 day goal. That being said, I’m happy with reaching 29 days given the real life priority shift I encountered in September and October. Sometimes writing takes a back seat to living and I’m quite ok with that. And so to end this season of writing I’m going to use my blog as an excuse to share about the real life priority shift that I cannot seem to not talk about. Brace yourselves, this could get cheesy, sappy, romantic… well, in the words of a great man, “get over it.”
It started with coffee…
I often do not see God’s faithfulness in the present but rather in hindsight. I had no idea that asking to tag along for what I knew to be a typical mid-morning coffee routine at work would be a new beginning. My only thought was, “he’s interesting, I’d like to see why” or something along those lines. One day became two, two became five, and so on.
I once met with my pastor and asked a simple dating question, “Got any dating advice?” “Just be.” he said. What do you mean “just be”? How on earth am I supposed to do that?!!! I was sitting there in my at the time insecure state wondering what he was talking about. By God’s grace, the work of the Holy Spirit, and the restful presence of a good man, and I think it has clicked. Identity in Christ at the foundation of being, and layered with who God has made me and who He is shaping me to become moment by moment. Without confidence in Christ and recognizing God as the true Pursuer, dating would not work for me. Moment by moment.
With the man I’m speaking of, I can honestly “just be” with and wowzers, it is the craziest feeling. What do you mean I can be me: no holds bar, bold and open and vulnerable me? Really? Are you sure? You don’t want to take back the offer? No. (I can hear him saying it even as I write these questions). NO! Be the woman that you are, cause that’s who I thought “she’s interesting, I’d like to see why.”
I think perhaps my favourite aspect of getting to know him better has been watching prayers being answered in who he is and the way he expresses his intentions. I can see how God is using him to redeem and break down walls and speak truth into lies for me. I am seeing what rest, joy, contentment, and encouragement look like in a dating relationship versus some of my past experiences of fear, insecurity, and confusion. And I see a lived out theology, love for God and love for others. What an example of Christ he is as he seeks the best in others and draws it out with acts of service, care and being present.
I once chatted with a friend about how hard it can be to just rest in what God has planned when you have a big imagination. You feel like you can imagine all the possible scenarios or situations and so do you really need God? And then God gives you the un-imagineable and you wonder how you thought you knew so much. You look to the heavens with tears of joy at the way He has provided what you didn’t even know you needed. You anticipate what is coming next as you get to know such a wonderful man… wondering, if he is this great already, Lord, what more are you going to reveal? And I hear, “Wait and be faithful. I got this one covered.”
I know you’re reading this, my dear one, and there is a smile on your face as you read my heart expressed so publicly in regards to you. “Just be”… because that’s exactly what I love: that you’re you and no one else.
Personal Blog of The Tangled Artist CZT 