August 31, 2013 “Day 31”

Day 31: a vivid memory

Irony is being two days late on the last blog entry of thirty days of blogging. I could not figure out what vivid memory to share. What makes any memory vivid? And the ones that I thought of first were traumas that are better left in the past. Here goes…

It was so hospital cliche, the sights, the sounds, the smells… My Dad asked to see me and I walked through the big doors at the right time to not get squished. I guessed which curtain he was laying behind, took a deep breath, and went in. I knew this was just the waiting time for hip surgery, but something in my spirit knew that this was also going to be the last time he and I spoke. At first, I pulled out my sock knitting as a way to distract myself, but realized that I needed to make the of the opportunity. I looked into his eyes and saw something, some form of confirmation that I had been dreading since March…he was going to die soon. I folded my arms and rested my chin in them as I laid on his legs. I said in my heart, “I love you, I forgive you, goodbye.” I reached for his hand and held it. Suddenly I was transported to a different time, and my hand felt the size of a small child’s in his big Dad hand. I was younger, vulnerable, and afraid. I looked into his eyes and I believe he responded in his heart with “I love you, goodbye.” I was so overwhelmed. We eventually went up to the operating room as a family. While my family went to a room, again I was with him. He began to whimper like a small child, “I don’t want to go.” He was younger, vulnerable, and afraid. I comforted him and said it was going to be ok. As he went to surgery, we all said goodbye. He went robe with Jesus two days later.

August 30, 2013 “Day 30”

Day 30: react to this term: Letting Go

Letting go seems like the most necessary thing to do and at the same time the hardest thing to do. There have been so many areas of my life where letting go has needed to occur… Letting go of unmet expectations, unhealthy relationships, lies and faulty patterns, and assumptions.

Someone once prayed that I would find new perspective when going on a trip. I realized that in order to do that I needed to evaluate and let go of old perspective. When we let go of one thing, we look for something to hold onto. Letting go without hope or trust is pointless.

Lately, I have been trying to let go of my will and rest in the will of God. It’s harder as my sinful nature fights against His call to trust unconditionally. He knows what Ge’s doing and will do. “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…” (Oceans (where feet may fall) United Live)

August 29, 2013 “Day 29”

Day 29: five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post

1. Someone to Watch Over Me sung by Ella Fitzgerald The lyrics just ring true and I like the references to Psalm 23

2. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen and From Wayne’s World Know all the words and learned the song existed because of the movie.

3. I Just Called to Say I Love You by Stevie Wonder “Lady in Red” was the first cassette tape I ever owned… And this was my favourite song.

4. Your Love Remains by The Brilliance This band opened for Gungor and I needed to hear this song right down to my core.

5. Every New Day by Five Iron Frenzy Favourite band in high school and I knew all their songs… This one in particular reminds of Bernie, a youth leader I had, who introduced me to the band.

August 27, 2013 “Day 27”

Day 27: a letter to your readers

Dear Readers,

This morning I woke up to the realization that fear of man does not need a place in my life. Between the sermon I heard on Sunday about God being trustworthy and writing out Romans 8, I conclude: whom shall I fear?

Throughout this month, I have wondered if this blog is being read at all and if these daily posts are actually serving some sort of purpose… I realize that they have been helpful to me as I have explored a number of areas of my life and have just had fun with them.

I hope you have enjoyed my processing out loud through these entries and that at the very least they have encouraged you to think about things. Isn’t so much of life unlearning and learning again? We are constantly bring tempted to question who is really in control, did God really say?

What next month’s entries will be like, I cannot tell you. I pray that whatever direction they take, I will not lose you and perhaps maybe I’ll even get a comment or two.

Thanks for following!

August 26, 2013 “Day 26”

Day 26: something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you’d like.

maybe you get bad customer service because you’re a bad customer?

This blog was posted on a friend’s fb page. Before I began my current job, I worked 10 years of retail. Matt, the author, so eloquently expresses the trials of people who treat those working in customer service like they are lower class than them… He highlights a lot of good points about character. The one thing that I wish they would teach those working in retail more often is rational detachment. The ability to take yourself for the equation and realize that you had nothing to do with the way you are being treated. It took me a while to learn this as someone is more empathetic to the reactions and feelings of others. I remember at 19 years old being told by a manager that I needed more back bone. In hindsight, I think she was wrong. What I needed was confidence and the ability to rationally detach.

August 25, 2013 “Day 25”

Day 25: something someone told you about yourself that you’ll never forget (good or bad)

“Just be.”

I once met with the Pastor to talk about a few things I was struggling with…one topic being dating. I said, “Do you have any dating advice?” His response, “Just be.” It baffled me at the time, but since I have been able to, by God’s grace and teaching, grasp what this profound advice means. My identity is to be in Christ. My desire for love and acceptance is to come from the true Pursuer. And with these in place, I can just be. Be the beautiful woman He created me to be. Be the one He has redeemed and is shaping into His likeness moment by moment.

But this “just be” philosophy does not just apply to dating. It applies to friendship, work relationships, family connections and the like. It is the reflection of a rippling effect where the deep foundations are reaching out to who I am.

Just be.

August 24, 2013 “Day 24”

Day 24: your top 3 worst traits

Character traits? Personality traits? Bad habits? Worst appearance focused traits?

1. That I over analyze and over think everything! See above lol

2. Insecurity… This has aided my tendency to people please and sell myself short. I have been told that I appear confident…but that just means I’m good at hiding my fear of failure or not being good enough. It also means that God often uses me despite myself.

3. Talking during movies…and perhaps a lot in general. I process out loud which to someone who doesn’t know me well seems like I’m a chatterbox. In grade school, a teacher called me “Chatty Cathy” referencing a doll. To this day, when people call me Cathy, I turn into the Hulk. As for during movies, I friend once said, “I think I know you well enough now to request silence during the movie.” It was awesomely said and I laughed. It also gave me a bit more self-awareness.

August 23, 2013 “Day 23”

Day 23: things you’ve learned that school won’t teach you

It’s not what you say that has an impact but often how you say it. So many times people are not intentional about how they are confronting or expressing themselves in general. Wisdom is shown in taking your time to address things.

No matter how much you think you know about yourself, you turn another corner and God reveals something completely unknown. Who knew I had a techie side to the gifts He has given me. God has used some of the least likely things to demonstrate His sovereignty. I did not know that my enjoyment of logic puzzles and mmorpgs (nerd translation: computer games) would teach me the problem-solving skills and understanding of user interfaces to do my job well.

Sometimes you need to say goodbye to relationships that are one-sided and not spurring you on to love and good deeds. That does not make you a bad Christian or less like Christ. It just means that those relationships move to a further ring of influence and intimacy.

Bible College will not always provide you with a spouse when you finish.

Interacting with people of other world views does not mean that you are wishy-washy in the world view you hold to. With openness, grace, and respect, it can actually strengthen your foundation and cause you to wrestle with a variety of theological concepts. Being encouraged to explain my world view while living it out has been a blessing.

Men are complicated in their simplicity. Most often they mean what they say and say what they mean. Women are complicated…that is all you need to know.

August 22, 2013 “Day 22”

Day 22: rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)

Why do we as women complicate things that are so simple? Between over-analyzing and reading into things, we do ourselves and others such a disservice. The lies run so deep. I wonder if Eve questioned her worth when she heard “did God really say?” Did she over-analyze satan’s question? Another thing that really bothers me is insecurity. I can’t be your source of love and acceptance because you’re single or the fact that I’m your only friend. It is not my responsibility to make sure you’re entertained or that you have friends. Stop piggybacking off of my social skills!

I’m going to need to put some of this into practice… It’s too difficult to rant and not realize that I’m being hypocritical. Take the plank out of my own eye.

Ladies, look to

    God

for love, acceptance, and confidence! If you do, it will ripple out into your relationships in such a beautiful and refreshing way. Plus, you will attract more friends.